unforeseen, unforsaken is a free weekly newsletter for the unexpected, the uninvited, and that which you cannot let go of.
I have been rock climbing. This is an example of something unexpected
and simultaneously, something I cannot let go of. I have been telling everyone about it (partially) because I believe if I do, these people will eventually say,
“Hey Allayna, how is rock climbing going?” And I’ll need an answer, so I can’t exactly stop doing it.
Yet, if I’m telling the truth, that’s not the reason. I’m talking about it because I like it. I’m psyched about it.
It’s like this:
it's my soft body - man-made if you think about it, wild nature if you don't - slipping and falling away from what in the wild is all natural and I find music there. it's a puzzle that I will not give up on like life, like electric in too many limbs at once. not many times can I remember feeling so strong. my powdered hands slip only when my arms have all but given out about two hours in and when I feel a rush of something akin to adrenaline yet isn't quite that, maybe I'll call it god, I jump up and down like a child on the mat before glomming onto the wall as if I don't belong there at all.
In a video my friend shot of one of my climbs, I noticed that I seem not to fit there, in that space. I look awkward. Unskilled, untrained. I like to watch others in the gym climb while I rest between problem sets, and they seem comfortable and agile. This makes me all the more determined to push through the soreness and the fear of falling so that I can reach a point where I fluidly,
freely scale the wall.
There is a metaphor in here somewhere.
With love,
a
Before you go:
Check out “Quiet Man,” released today by my sweet, dear friend Jodi. It is the perfect amount of soft sugar that I needed as I glide carefully through this day.
If you’re interested in reading my book of poetry that I published in 2019, “It’s not them, it’s you,” I have copies available for purchase. Email me for the details on that.
Go watch The Woman King.