The climb

a battle physical and mental

unforeseen, unforsaken is a free weekly newsletter for the unexpected, the uninvited, and that which you cannot let go of.

I have been rock climbing. This is an example of something unexpected

and simultaneously, something I cannot let go of. I have been telling everyone about it (partially) because I believe if I do, these people will eventually say,

“Hey Allayna, how is rock climbing going?” And I’ll need an answer, so I can’t exactly stop doing it.

Yet, if I’m telling the truth, that’s not the reason. I’m talking about it because I like it. I’m psyched about it.

It’s like this:

it's my soft body -
man-made if you think about it,
wild nature if you don't -
slipping and falling

away

from what in the wild is all
natural and I find music
there.

it's a puzzle that
I will not give up on
like life,
like electric in
too many limbs at once.

not many times can I remember feeling so strong.

my
powdered hands slip only when my 
arms have all but given out
about two hours in and
when I feel a rush of something
akin to
adrenaline yet isn't quite that,
maybe I'll call it god,
I jump up and down like a child
on the mat
before glomming onto the wall
as if I don't belong there at all.

In a video my friend shot of one of my climbs, I noticed that I seem not to fit there, in that space. I look awkward. Unskilled, untrained. I like to watch others in the gym climb while I rest between problem sets, and they seem comfortable and agile. This makes me all the more determined to push through the soreness and the fear of falling so that I can reach a point where I fluidly,

freely scale the wall.

There is a metaphor in here somewhere.

With love,

a

Before you go:

1. Check out “Quiet Man,” released today by my sweet, dear friend Jodi. It is the perfect amount of soft sugar that I needed as I glide carefully through this day.

2. If you’re interested in reading my book of poetry that I published in 2019, “It’s not them, it’s you,” I have copies available for purchase. Email me for the details on that.

3. Go watch The Woman King.