unforeseen, unforsaken is a free weekly newsletter for the unexpected, the uninvited, and that which you cannot let go of.
In case youโre wondering what youโre doing here: youโre a new subscriber or youโre my best friend or my partner or my brother or your email was on a list now ancient. if you donโt want to be, you can find an Unsubscribe button at the bottom of this email.
(pssst! you could read on your way down!)
:::
The last time I sent a newsletter out, I was immersed in chaos in almost every aspect of my lifeโฆ and now that my little world feels like a much safer and more secure place, I am starting over:
Have you ever put so much work
so much you into a project, just blood and sweat and tears and money and everything you think it needs to thrive and love and change the world and then one day you look around and youโre on the floor and you canโt get up? you were in your body one minute and the next you were gone? and you couldnโt do a single thing about it but you knew it would keep you alive while you were on the floor, on your knees, and you wonder did someone just come by and knock the wind out of me?
If this has ever happened to you I am sorry and I am grateful. maybe one day youโd like to tell me about it. I promise it doesnโt have to define you.
Before it happened to me I had started a business. with good intentions, but suddenly I couldnโt handle it anymore because I was overcome with pain and sorrow and loss. it wasnโt her fault. I am sorry that I let her fall so slowly. it was not without a fight. I dropped her so I could hold myself. I didnโt think I had much more time to be held.
I really wanted to protect that which was borne of me and that I worked on and loved and sat with and spoke to because I wanted it to be but I was drowning and I had to leave the sea. I didnโt want to disappoint you, and Iโm so sorry if I have. if I did. if what I was trying so hard to provide fell short of what you needed, what you wanted, what could have been. I donโt want to feel ashamed anymore.
As I send this to you so too I send away my disappointment, my regret, my shame, my grief (well, not all of my grief.)
It doesnโt take much for you to do this too. What are you holding onto? What are you forsaking? You can release your pain and regret and shame and grief. You are allowed.
We humans are so capable of being remade. we can release and rebuild and fill and fill ourselves again. there are new projects to work on. I am one of these projects. You are one of those projects. there is so much for us to pursue.
I canโt promise you what unforeseen, unforsaken is going to look like all the time, but it is cathartic for me and maybe reading it each week will pull you out of whatever youโre trapped in that day and maybe youโll take 30 seconds to breathe or maybe Iโll help you catch your breath. if Iโm lucky, your breath will catch at a wonder, or some joy, or deep, heartfelt resonance.
take a deep breath.
until next time,
a